You Know You're A Baby If
You know you're a baby if ...
- you can't read this list.
- you don't have to yell "Fire!" to get some attention.
- you are doted upon more than the family pet.
- you never have to get up to go to the bathroom.
- you doo-doo it in your diapers.
- you have less hair than Grandpa.
- you are one of very few who can pull off being short, pudgy, and bald and still be considered cute and adorable.
- your skin is so soft you don't need baby oil.
- you can get more people scrambling to do your bidding with one cry than a drill sargeant can get barking orders 24/7.
- you can get out of having to go to church because you can always threaten to disrupt the services at any time with your bawling.
- you don't have to write thank you notes for crummy gifts since you can't write yet.
- you can't find work as a translator because you don't speak even one language.
- you can't find work as a plumber because you haven't finished your potty training.
- you can't make the basketball "A" team because you're too short, you have weak knees, and you double dribble.
- the phrase, "change is good," has special meaning to you.
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