You Know You're A Baby If

You know you're a baby if ...

• you can't read this list.
• you don't have to yell "Fire!" to get some attention.
• you are doted upon more than the family pet.
• you never have to get up to go to the bathroom.
• you doo-doo it in your diapers.
• you have less hair than Grandpa.
• you are one of very few who can pull off being short, pudgy, and bald and still be considered cute and adorable.
• your skin is so soft you don't need baby oil.
• you can get more people scrambling to do your bidding with one cry than a drill sargeant can get barking orders 24/7.
• you can get out of having to go to church because you can always threaten to disrupt the services at any time with your bawling.
• you don't have to write thank you notes for crummy gifts since you can't write yet.
• you can't find work as a translator because you don't speak even one language.
• you can't find work as a plumber because you haven't finished your potty training.
• you can't make the basketball "A" team because you're too short, you have weak knees, and you double dribble.
• the phrase, "change is good," has special meaning to you.